I remember that the way I got to know about this little corner of the blogosphere was thru the fallout from the Clinton-blogger lunch, which was followed in short order by Burqagate. Donna's passionate arguments and pleas really struck a cord with me, and I began following her around as she commented and linked to the various blogs and comments by people of color trying to be heard. (Sorry Donna, I know it sounds creepy, and I apologize)
I've been here thru the spat over Jessica of Feministing's book cover, then Jill of Feminste's erasure of critiques by people of color over the content of that same book, and finally the "shitstorm" regarding Amanda of Pandagon's book cover.
I'm giving all this background to show that even though I lurked thru most of it, I watched everything rather closely. I didn't really pay much attention to the new abortion study discussion at Feminste, but Donna's is correct to call out the hypocrisy of white feminist bloggers. I've seen white feminist bloggers and their commenters do the same thing to POC that they are now complaining about: argue points no one ever made, get defensive, belittle concerns, whine, basically just obfuscate and straw-man a discussion to death.
And now that the shoe's on the other foot . . . But wait, it's been on the other foot before, or were the pie wars at Daily Kos just a figment of my imagination?
Now, in her awesome wisdom, BA takes this another step and connects the hypocrisy to silencing.
I had a white friend who I ended up calling racist. I couldn't really articulate at that time to him exactly why I thought that, and that was unfair, yes. But I couldn't get rid of that feeling, that impression, and when I finally sat down and talked it over with him, it boiled down to the fact that he treated me differently than he did our other (white) friends. Nothing I said was important; my taste in music was inferior; the same with my taste in books, in movies, my opinions. Nothing about me held any validity to him. So whenever we hung out, I was silent while he talked about himself. And I was too young to feel secure enough to put pressure on the friendship by asserting myself, so I ended it.
That's why when BA asks
Do they realize we are people ?
it hurt. Because that's what I asked myself before I ended that friendship: Does he think of me as a person, or just as the black guy it's cool to be friends with? And he couldn't understand why I was so upset; that when he talked over me, or cut me off to say something more profound, more important (to him), it negated me, and who wants to put up with that in the long run?
And now I think I understand why my friend treated me like that, and why white liberals and feminists in the blogosphere and real life constantly marginalize and silence us. I was reading the 4th People of Color SciFi and Fantasy Carnival a few days ago, and a quote by Grada Kilomba stuck with me. Speaking of academia, she says:
This is a white space where Black people have been denied the privilege to speak... It is not that we have not been speaking; but rather that our voices - through a system of racism - have been systematically disqualified as valid knowledge; or else represented by whites, who ironically become the 'experts' of ourselves.
But this statement doesn't just pertain to academia, nor to just Black people. Substitute (or add) Latino, disabled, LGBT, Native American, and place them anywhere in this society (the blogosphere, mainstream media, or even a PTA meeting) and we see how widespread the silencing truly is; how many voices are not considered valid, and therefore not worth the time to engage.
But getting back to just Black people, I'm also brought to this. Need I say more?
My friend and I eventually got past that period. He treated me with more respect, and I asserted myself more. We were not as close as before (and we've drifted apart more over the years because of geography and life), but I believe that he was genuinely sorry. And yet, I don't think he truly ever understood where I was coming from when I ended our friendship that time.
And I wonder if that's the best we POC bloggers and our allies can hope for from the wider white feminist and liberal blogosphere.
5 comments:
I do believe they are blind to the way they perceive themselves vs us. They wouldn't ever admit that they think we are inferior, but actions speak louder than words.
You aren't creepy. You did the same thing I did! I followed people around and read what they were writing and who they were linking also. It's the only reason why I am thankful for the Clinton blogger lunch fiasco, because I discovered so many wonderful POC writers.
Much luck with your new blog. I'm so happy that you're doing this!
Hi Donna!! It's so good to see you! I haven't been online much cause I've been sick and swamped with some work I need to finish this week :(
I'm glad you don't think I was creepy, cause it seemed a bit creepy at the time lol ::blush:: And you're right, the only reason to be grateful for that uproar is the number of really awesome POC and others who it exposed us to.
Thanx for the best wishes, Donna ::smooch::
Hi Andrew,
I followed a link here from "The Silence of Our Friends," and put your blog on my roll because - even if you never post again - this one post is worth it.
I have been in a "friendship" like you describe, from both sides:
That is, I've been the white friend who disrespected my Asian friend as a person, and I wish I could go back in time and smack myself.
I've also been the trans woman friend who has been disrespected as a person by my friends who aren't trans, which is how I learned just how much of an idiot I was in the other case.
Anyway, this is a great post, and I hope you come back to write more.
Lisa,
Thanx for stopping by with those really awesome words of encouragement!
You know, it was tough writing about that episode with my friend because part of me is still hurt by his behaviour, and part of me still feels guilty about calling him out about it.
I think the way you took from one experience and applied it to another is a thing that more of us need to learn to do. This culture is so lacking in self-reflection, I think. I don't mean to sound over-bearing or anything like that.
This is leading me to an idea that I'll try to write more about. So, you come back! I will definitely be updating the blog, especially after your encouragement!
Augh! I posted a long response, but it got eaten.
Thank you for the response, Andrew. I do agree that people should look at their own oppression and compare it to how they treat other people, or how other people are treated.
I had like a billion paragraphs. Man, blogger sucks.
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